Just trying to see how many people I can offend

Disclaimer* Ok no really I'm not trying to offend people, I'm just venting, long winded venting!  So if words aren't your thing skip this post.  Or just skip to the end and watch the video.  Happy reading!



Just so you know this isn't all about birth, so if that scared you off, just skip a couple of paragraphs and don't worry I don't talk about anything juicy. :)

So I'm at the point where another child is on my mind.  Zoey is 18 months, it takes like a year to grow the little stinkers, less if you're like me, or more if you have a hard time conceiving.

Right so I have like these decisions to make....Lucy I was totally unprepared

"Doc, just do what you think is best."

With Zoey...

"All right in my birth plan we're now at step 4 and I freaking want to die, baby get the hell out!"

I'm at the point of do I actually try and find a Dr. who will support me in an attempt at a VBAC again. (That will be like a needle in a hay stack.)

Or do I just have the Dr. slice baby out of me when I feel grotesquely huge and have the awesome experience of taking care of a baby while healing from major surgery. (no prob. really I'm super Mom!)

I feel like I will be scrutinized no matter how it ends up, and maybe I just read into things?

Heck I know people that are saying "You're planning on another one already?"

And then the other person is like "pbbb 18 months!  That's forever! My kids are 9 months apart fool!"



Am I the only one that compares themselves to pioneers?

Raise yo hand if you do too?  It would make me feel better. Come on, admit it.

They're idolized!  They had to live without running water and a microwave, have some respect.

No seriously tho Betsy didn't have a choice of when baby was coming. Hubby hung his pants on the side of the bed and BAM Betsy's pregnant!

And did they gossip about the way babies were born back then?

                      Gossip 1:  "Did you hear that Betsy had her baby in the back of the wagon while it was                                                   moving?"

                      Gossip 2:  "No!  Seriously?!  Well it's no wonder her baby has cholera."

                      Gossip  1:   "Yeah, exactly!

Which brings up another topic vaccinations,  yeah because I didn't have enough moral dilemmas in my life.

I love what people say to you.

  "You didn't vaccinate?!  Why do you want your kid to get Malaria?  Wait you want your kid to die?"

"You vaccinated!  Oh great now your kid is going to be autistic or worse brain dead, they put rat poison in that stuff ya know!"



                      Gossip 1:  "You wanna hear the latest gossip?"

                      Gossip 2:   "?"

                      Gossip 1;  "Betsy doesn't use a car seat in the back of her wagon."

                      Gossip 2:  "Oh hell no!  Not even a 3 point?"

                      Gossip 1:  "yeah her 12 year old could totally sit rear facing next to the barley she just doesn't                                         care about Jedediah."

                      Gossip 2: "My Ester has been sitting rear facing for 18 years, her knees are next to her nose,                                           but she's safe!"



You know how many times I've had to tell people that I'm straight?  Go ahead, take a gander.

Not even close!

I never have.  Not once.

And yet people randomly interject that into conversation.

What am I supposed to say to that??!?!?!

"I'm straight, I'm glad we could get that out."



I microwaved some left over macaroni and cheese today for Zoey.

(I know what you're thinking, left over?!  That stuff is amazing how did you not just lick the bowl?!)

First off mac and cheese full of MSG. (Or is it? I actually don't know, mac and cheese is kind of a staple at our house so I overlook it)   Either way it's not the whole wheat tortilla filled with disgusting greek yogurt stuffed with hummus and a sprig of parsley, with  a side of roasted carrots.

Second I microwaved it and totally killed off any possible healthy remaining vitamin contained in the cheesey mixture.

It's like I fed my child a lethal, cancer inducing noodle!



Hmmm I also ate a hamburger tonight and I'm pretty sure the vegans are pissed.

The bacon really brought out the flavor tho!

OOOOh and the cancer causing fake cheese!





I work full time.  And I have an incredible amount of guilt over this. Surprisingly not from the people around me though.  Growing up I didn't even want kids.  As I matured I realized I wanted a smokin hot husband (nailed it!) and a couple of rug rats, err sorry children I've had rats before, children. (nailed it)

Anyway I pictured myself as the classic stay at home Mom, well maybe not too classic, cooking is so not my thing, like I've said I would rather starve than cook, children don't accept this tho and neither does CPS.

So when I had Lucy and I cut my work back from full time to part time with the intention of only continuing working for a year.  Well 3 years later I'm having a baby and still working, I'm cool with it tho part time isn't bad and apparently we have high tastes, ya know like a roof over our head and electricity.

And then stuff happened and here I am working full time and not pregnant.  I repeat I am NOT pregnant.  Don't ask me I cry for hours and then I have to go and buy a new spanx, and those dumb things aren't cheap.

Here's where the guilt comes in.

                      Guilt 1:  Oh Zoey can't cuddle with me in the morning because we have to rush off to work.

                      Guilt 2 and 3:  2-my kids aren't feeling well    3-now I have to pawn them off on my Mom

                      Guilt 4: If I didn't work full time we wouldn't be able to afford the awesome house that we                                         have in the great neighborhood perfect for raising children.

                      Guilt 5: I need a freaking break, my children drive me crazy!  Who cries over an ear wig on                                       the cement?!

                       Guilt 6: I'm selfish and enjoy the adult talk, the I'm needed and busy feeling.  I'm making a                                          difference in people's lives. ( I'm like the best spit sucker in town guys. :)  I freaking                                      love my job!

                       Guilt 7: And the list goes on.  Either way I feel like I need to be at both places.

I spent an hour mowing the lawn and then put the girls to bed after that.  We read stories of course.  But the whole time I was mowing I thought I have one hour tonight to be with the girls and I"m mowing?! yes the lawn is freaking long and well that just won't do!



Well that's long enough for today, this was kind of a waste of your evening.  Here watch this video I thought it was fitting for this post. :)